reflections

A different tone today for my post, as I’ve been in somewhat of a pensive frame of mind recently. Coupled with home sickness, joy, sadness, and new found motivation, it has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. I find the best way to articulate my thoughts is by writing them down, and since I’ve never really been one for secret diaries, this seems as good a place as any to put (metaphorical) pen to paper and bring some shape to them. It will probably also help me get back to waffling away about the silly things I do so very much enjoy waffling about.

I can’t speak for everyone, but for me 2015 has been a year of change, on a spectrum I’ve heretofore never experienced. The shape of my life, the people in it, has shifted somewhat and I can’t quite decide whether the balance of all that has come out for the better or not.

I’ve made wonderful new friends, missed those lifelong friends I used to see every day, gained one truly incredible person – a veritable rock amid the shifting mass – and lost (in the truest sense) two very important souls.

Change is inevitable, we all know this, and I’ve always thought of myself as a flexible person, ready to adapt to each new situation and environment. And in many respects, having uprooted my life entirely and settled somewhere else, this is very true. But, and perhaps this is part of getting older, I’m more aware than ever of the people around me and how we’ve all collected our losses at a more rapid rate.

For me, the big takeaway in all of this is the importance of living in the moment, and enjoying those things I find full filling, spending my time with friends, family, people I love – those that make me happy, enrich me, rather than allow myself to be distracted with the inconsequential. Those things seem important at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, they really aren’t. I can reflect now on incidents when I was younger – and rather quick to enflame over some such thing – and not recall why they affected me the way they did. Perhaps it isn’t until you’ve had a truly tumultuous year such as this that you can properly recognise the absurdity in that.

It’s taken me 27 years to gain a really true appreciation of quite how lucky I am in so many respects, and so I think that is – beyond the devastating and wonderful changes – the thing that this year has given me. Perspective. And I mean to make the most of that knew found awareness.

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